


Five Professions Sam Tyler Had Previously Considered

by collatorsden_archivist



Category: Ashes to Ashes, Life on Mars & Related Fandoms, Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, G - White Cortina, Humor, Time Period: 1973-1981 (Life on Mars), Time Period: 1981-2006 (Life on Mars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-06
Updated: 2008-04-06
Packaged: 2019-01-20 19:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12440520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collatorsden_archivist/pseuds/collatorsden_archivist
Summary: As the title suggests.





	Five Professions Sam Tyler Had Previously Considered

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Janni, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [the Collators' Den](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Collators%27_Den), which was moved to the AO3 to ensure access and longevity for the fanworks. I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Collators' Den collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/collatorsden/profile).

  
Author's notes: Written in response to a challenge from Andy for the "Five Things" LJ meme.  


* * *

1.) Hard-boiled private eye.

 

 

When he was quite young, little Sammy had developed quite an affection for Raymond Chandler's books about Philip Marlowe. He'd tried some of the other books in the genre, as well, but mostly found them rather distasteful; Sam Spade would do, in a pinch, but Marlowe's adventures were really something. He found early on that he cared very little for Mike Hammer, as well. As he grew older, however, he began to realise that this was a very unlikely career choice, although in his heart of hearts, he wished he could make it so.

 

 

2.) Professional male model.

 

 

It was quite late, and he was quite drunk on punch at a cousin's wedding reception. 

 

 

His long-suffering mum tutted, sighed, and tucked him into bed without a word.

 

 

3.) Cookery show presenter.

 

 

He'd taken some courses and done a lot of practise and had even gone so far as to land himself a part-time job in 1997 at the River Café in London (for which he'd taken a leave-of-absence), working on the line. 

 

 

He had a natural talent, he was told by various colleagues, and he couldn't have been prouder.

 

 

When some utter twat called "Jamie Oliver" was instead the one "discovered" during a documentary filming at the restaurant, Sam left immediately in a fit of pique. 

 

 

A little-known fact about Sam Tyler is that ever since, he's gotten a slight twitch to his left eye if anyone has mentioned the name "Jamie Oliver" in his presence. 

 

 

It was a very good thing that had only been a part-time job, and not a serious career pursuit.

 

 

At least, so he's told himself. 

 

 

That's one good thing about 1973, at least---a certain hated TV chef had yet to even be born.

 

 

4.) Mobile phone salesman.

 

 

It was a privately-held belief of Sam's that if you found the career that was right for you, it wouldn't matter what kind of money you were making. So long as you loved your job, that would be enough.

 

 

But there was definitely a difference between loving your job, and being _in_ love with your job. 

 

 

That was why Sam stayed very far away from any mobile shops he saw with "help wanted" signs hung in their windows. Far too much like giving an alcoholic their own set of keys to a well-stocked pub.

 

 

5.) Veterinarian.

 

 

This thought had very briefly flitted through Sam's brain when Ivanhoe had disappeared when he was still very small. 

 

 

He didn't know what they were called, only he'd seen what happened when a very fast car happened to hit a very slow animal; their neighbour's dog, Rusty, had met an unfortunate demise at the grille of an aging Fiat 500 in just such a way. When Ivanhoe disappeared, Sam's willful mind immediately plagued him with the imagined horrors of the same eventuality happening to Ivanhoe.

 

 

Little Sammy asked his mum for a needle and thread, and she was utterly flabbergasted. What would a five-year-old want with those things?

 

 

"To sew Ivanhoe up, mum." 

 

 

Ruth Tyler's eyes went wide as she rationalised her son must have gone mad with grief over the loss of his beloved cat, and she drew him into her lap and hugged him and rocked him and wept soundlessly into his hair. 

 

 

Little Sammy didn't realise why mum was crying, but he was pretty certain that sewing animals up was not the right career choice for him. It couldn't be, if it made his mum cry.


End file.
